Sleep

I love chatting late into the night and gossiping about people. The downside is that the next day I'll find my eyebags visibly deeper and darker than before. ><

I thought a lot today. I thought about school, I thought about homework, I thought about ncc, I thought about my limelighters and almost everything. Sounds like RRI, Review, reflect and improve o.O

Anyway. One of the things I thought about was : Is life really that short ?

Come to think of it, you have 80 years or perhaps even more to enjoy life. How come people still say that life is short when it isn't? The only people who say that life is short are those who dont live life to the fullest. Sure, time flies very quickly but in the end it just boils down to how you manage your time, that's all.

What do you think?

And also, I think I had a pretty pathetic childhood.

You see, I was never made to feel special and I never felt special either. No one told me that I was a unique individual or that I actually made a difference to those around me. I just lived in my own cardboard box (my set of beliefs) and that was it. I always thought of myself as a normal primary school girl who was average and fit in with the crowd. The type of girl no one who give a second look. I never felt that I had any abilities, or felt that I was good at anything in particular. I was never given the chance to be proud of a piece of artwork that I did, or praised by my friends or teachers for a job well done. I just lived my life as a ordinary primary school girl, unable to stand out or make a difference. Kind of pathetic isn't it? I just felt too .. ordinary. Too average.

I thought it was normal to be stick thin. I thought everybody was stick thin. I thought it was okay to look like.. me. I thought everyone looked the same. I never thought I had a good figure. I thought everyone had one.

I'm still reeling from the after effects, though. I was trained to be a follower. I still remember the time I got sacked as the class monitor because I was incompetent. It was quite a huge blow. I remember thinking : Am I really that bad? Are others really better than me?

My form teacher told me to look for her before class, and we were in the canteen; me holding a pathetic pot of potted plant, and her talking sense into me because I think she could see that I was quite disappointed. All the while she was talking to me I was swimming in a pool of self doubt.

When I graduated from my primary school, you can be sure that I took nothing away, except maybe a few fond memories. I remember I liked the canteen food. -.-

But it's okay, cos I feel special now :)