Great, now I've chased away the only person who will listen to me. Slap me silly, somebody, please. Sorry Timothy Sum :(

I suppose none of you out there are willing to be my agony auntie so I'll just pour out my feelings to my keyboard and computer screen.

Pouring your feelings to an inanimate object is so stupid, isn't it. Especially to a computer screen and a keyboard.

I feel stupid. And disappointed.

Maybe it's good not to set my expectations too high. Maybe I deserve what I get.

Gist of today: I got excited about something, thought that everyone would turn up, and they didn't. And I was there waiting like an idiot for the first half an hour. Actually I should have known better than get my hopes too high, I guess.

I should just lock myself at home and play Resident Evil on my Wii console.

Because I need a little personal space.

I'm not emo-ing. I just don't feel like sleeping yet so I guess I'll sit here and blog for a little while.

My holidays are.. okay. I haven't touched any holiday homework, so I think I better start now or I'll fail my A's. Training's fine, though I still have a lot to improve on. I currently pose no threat against shooters from other schools. I NEED TO UNLOCK MY GUN SO I CAN START TRAINING EVERYDAY.

Kumon is driving me nuts. Though I have around 9 worksheets left, it's like the longest 9 days of my life. I just can't wait to get it over and done with so I can enjoy butter crab. (courtesy of someone)

I was going to blog about the AC ragging incident but the comments from the general public are so amazingly brainless I don't feel like talking about it anymore. Why don't they check out the degree of ragging in other JCs? If ragging in ACJC causes the public to worry about the 'next generation of leaders', perhaps they should pray to the heavens for the next generation, because ragging is more commonplace than their naive little minds think. Seriously, there are more things to get worked up over.

I don't know what to blog about so I'll just reply tags.

zixi: Sakae sushi cheated my money! I wasn't even hungry. Lol
wilson: Surprised? I'm good :P
Beixin: Yup I guess I was just emo-ing lol. Thanks :)
ZL: Balls cancer sounds sick :( You have right, LOL
huiyi: Life's unfair sigh. Anyway thanks for breakfast on Saturday! :)
cong: Haha yeah I guess he's still my brother.. Thanks haha I'll ask you if I want to learn. Balestier is super far though O.o
cynthia: Ah... This is why I love you ms chai :D Have fun in Msia catch up soon honey :)

I'm worried.

The monster is at it again.

He already exceeded his Wii limit of 2 hours, and he fucking insists on continuing, and I bloody want to play. He says he's "going for tuition soon" and I can play when he's gone. Screw that, understand? Firstly he's already overtime, and why do I have to wait for him to go out before I can play? Seriously, he's bloody hopeless. I hope he gets some disease from sitting down in front of the fucking television for so long. Is there such a disease? Buttock cancer anyone?

Why is it that good piano teachers are so hard to find? I go from one crappy teacher to another crappy teacher to another and another and another and why do I even have to freaking learn PIANO.

:(

Disclaimer: A lot of self-pitying bullshit up ahead. If you don't give a damn about how I feel or what I think, do me and yourself a favour and just stop reading.

Feel like a piece of * now. I don't know what I want to do with my life. Seriously, I've really got to do something about this. I've been drifting through the past 17 years not knowing where to go, what to do, where to head next. Bloody hell, I didn't even get to choose my schools myself. Though I can't blame anyone.. I didn't even know what school to choose myself.

Sure, I've been surviving fine; I've been making friends, given the chance to lead, and even been in a relationship. But it's just what Singapore's rice cooker environment is doing to me and a whole load of other people, I presume. I feel like an underachiever. I don't do well enough, I don't score enough A's (or rather I didn't get ANY A's), I don't have enough CCAs, I don't have enough CIP hours, I don't sign up for overseas trips, I don't get offered H3s, etc etc etc, the list goes on forever but I'm really not going to depress myself any further.

It doesn't help that people always commend these high achievers and praise them to the skies. What for? Because they drive themselves so hard, busying around and doing constructive things every breathing minute? Because they can study and can score all A's?

I don't have anything against high achievers. It's just stupid that they get so much recognition for being able to STUDY. If they're nice people, I don't mind. If they're nerds there's a problem. So I'm supposed to coop myself up at home and deny myself of a life?

These people should just go and kick themselves.

Maybe I'm being bitter, but I don't care.

Life is so boring. We're all stuck in the rat race, unable to break free. After birth you enjoy a few years of bliss as a baby and toddler, then you're whisked off to school to study for the next 10(+) years of your life. Then you go to university or you start working. After working for a few years, you discover the existence of somebody who is the love of your life, and then you get married and have children. Then the cycle begins again.

I don't know what to do with my life. It's so boring. I'm boring. Ughh. What will I be when I grow up?