I just realised my previous blog posts are pretty interesting, it's a weird feeling I get when read about myself, partly narcissistic, I admit...

I can't believe I actually wrote all the stuff I wrote previously. And some of the cryptic stuff I posted, I don't remember the meanings behind them anymore.

Is that weird?

It feels like i've just ran into a wall. It stings very, very much. And it's too damn late to make amends. I suppose my feeble attempt is negligible, but at least I tried.

My pact with myself is about to be broken and I don't have a good feeling about this.

I can't believe I actually missed it. I'm too caught up with my damn life that I have no energy left to emphasize or to pay enough attention to the people that I actually care for.

I forget birthdays, can't make it for farewells, and I only just found out about something that I should have gone for, something I was told about a long time back, something I should have followed up on although I wasn't invited, something I should jolly well have remembered.

It's not that I don't care. Hell yea I do. It's not that I can't be bothered to remember. I try my hardest but goddamn it it's tough. I'm just too bloody self-centred these days, it's crazy.

I guess it's true that you don't only commit to stuff, schoolwork and other activities - you commit to people as well. You spend the time and effort to remember important dates, to spend time with them, and to make sure you show that you care. You maintain the relationships that are closest to your heart, because you'd crumble if they crumbled. You don't go around talking to new people you meet like you've known them for years because you actuallydon't, and neither do you take your existing relationships for granted. You prioritize people just like how you prioritize your other appointments. And I have to learn that I can't make everyone happy because it just doesn't work that way.

I haven't been spending enough time with the people I'm sure are genuine as hell to me, who will never judge me if I look like crap, who would be there for me if I crash and burn and people that I would die to be there for.

But I seem to have moved on to new people. And I swore to myself I wouldn't.



To all the people close to me I have neglected in one way or another, I am really, really sorry, I know I need to stop rushing around like a mad dog and slow down and pay more attention to the right things.




Time for some reflection, hun.

And those who judge me after reading this, I'm sorry but I wasn't referring to you in my apology.