Goodness, the way Anna Nalick describes songwriting is so apt.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

What will I do in the future? Will I enjoy my job? Will any company take me in? Will I start my own business? Will my skills be put to good use, and will I be developed to my fullest potential? Will I have to marry a rich man so he can support me?

I feel like a wasted space.

Where did c and f go?

I'm more dependent than you think.

Are you socially awkward? Are you the most self-oblivious person in the whole planet? Considering the number of times you check yourself out in the mirror... this degree of self oblivion is appalling.

Do you have the power of making everybody frustrated? Are you the most MIA person I've known? Do you possess the lowest of the lowest EQs? Do you have zero sensitivity?

Do you blow your top when you have a bad day? Why this double standard? When you have bad days your body language says things that are far worse. Or most of the time you're not even around for everybody to judge you.

Do you not have a vision? Do you contribute zero to morale, and do you communicate in the most inefficient of ways?

Do you even realize what in the world you are doing/ insinuating? Your reasoning is so warped, man.

You can't make everyone happy. But somehow so many more people are unhappy with you than not.

Reuben said my barriers would be high after gross misjudgments. You bet.

I know I'm doing something wrong here, and it makes me really uncomfortable. The secrecy, the weird looks. The opportunity cost is too high.

I'm not afraid of being judged by people I don't know, or by people who don't matter to me. But when people close to me do it, I fall apart.

Pet peeve:

Leaving the party at 1145 pm - 12 am, after the last train leaves and before the midnight surcharge, and paying 10 times more the price of taking public transport

If I'm going through all this so someone else can function properly, I'd feel much better.

Things I must treasure now, and forever and ever always:
1. Showering all my body parts
2. Blinking
3. Wearing covered shoes

You only know happiness when you've been through misery. This is one lesson that never fails to strike me hard, more so than ever now.

Ever had the feeling of checking your handphone for someone's message every 2 minutes?

One day, I'll look back on this smattering of posts about the same damn thing, and laugh at myself for being such a fool.

I feel the stress starting all over again.

So much for my holiday.

I really hate the way expectations always get the better of me.

To think I was imagining myself waiting at Starbucks, doing my homework and thoughtfully sipping a cup of tea. How ridiculously funny. I even brought! Haha I'm so absurd.

Maybe I really can't handle this, maybe we're really too different. Maybe I just don't matter to you. Perhaps that will explain why you haven't called, returned my call or responded to my requests to meet.

I feel so disgustingly desperate.

Choices. CHOICES.

Why can't I just keep my mouth shut sometimes?

To you

Just like that.

I've never met anyone like you.

MC taught me to talk in plain English, and so did you. And so I will.

Questioning everything - that's what you do well and I don't.

I've never been taught to disagree, or have my own way, or rebel against anybody. I've been taught to go to school even when I'm sick, to go for lessons because they are already paid for. I've been taught to suck everything up when shit happens and force myself to do things I don't like to do.

I've been taught not to be lazy, but I've also been taught not to have opinions.

I'm a friendly person. I can talk to strangers with ease, and I find silences awkward. I'm eager to please and I find it difficult to reject. When you are eager to please, you don't have much room for disagreement. I'm always the first to back down. I find it difficult to have opinions while being agreeable.

I'm not very honest. I believe in white lies, and that people's feelings should be protected if possible because everyone has to deal with some shit on a daily basis and everyone deserves a break.

I speak my mind, and I am very open with people. I'm not a very secretive person. I learnt quite early on that keeping secrets is pointless because when people find out and start spreading them, all that effort that went in to keep those secrets is effectively wasted. My life is an open book. Ask me anything.

I prioritize my friends - they are the ones that keep me going. I prioritize my family because they are important to me.

I am very busy. I fill my day up with appointments and that is of my own choosing, and I keep myself busy with schoolwork and many other co-curricular activities. I should stop complaining about being so busy, since I chose to be involved with all of it.

I love to read and write. I like fiction books - nothing like a good story to make life more interesting and to get a few learning points from. I also like interesting non-fiction - books like Freakonomics or The Tipping Point are of tremendous interest to me.

I am marginally religious. I may call myself a free-thinker, but in fact I gravitate towards Buddhism and its values, because I was brought up that way. I was taught cause and effect, and that what goes around comes around. I believe in karma, but I don't save snails because of karma - nobody actually knows whether there really is this system in place to keep humans in check. I do it because I really want to do it.

I am a very touchy person. It's my way of being friendly, and showing that I have no reservations. I touch the elbow because to me, the skin there is highly pinch-able, and to you, it is the only place I cannot molest. (according to my friend who saw a poster at the police station saying that the elbow is worth $0) I touch people's tummies sometimes and I have no idea why - it's a subconscious thing I cannot explain. Or maybe I can, in time. Someday I'll know the reason why, but not now.

I know some people do not like me being so touchy but I find it hard to keep my hands to myself. I'm not horny. But it's just my way or getting closer to the person I talk to. Pardon me if you are uncomfortable with it.

I am an inquisitive person. (which basically means I'm kaypo) I want to know things. When I sense that someone is keeping something from me, I get really uncomfortable. But in time I will forget about it and then I will stop thinking about it.

When someone matters a lot to me, I let the other party know exactly that. I will either express it in words, or through the little things I do.

I love to have a plan. Especially when I go out for leisure or for dates. I believe in going Dutch when on dates, and that both parties are equally responsible to think of what to do, to take initiative, to be polite to each other. I believe that a guy should send a girl home because he really wants to, not because obligation binds him to it. I believe that these beliefs are in line with my views on gender equality.

I'm not a romantic. I don't like flowers, chocolates or teddy bears. Effort or a display of affluence doesn't impress me. What does is evidence that you've listened to what I've said, that you know me well enough to do things that I'd really enjoy.

I'm spontaneous. I don't mind trying new things, and I refrain from an opinion of things I have never tried yet. Even if I do, I'm still open and I will still try it out given the chance, unless some phobia prevents me from doing that.

I don't have the time and to watch movies so I don't really.

I don't have a good memory and I tend to forget things very easily.

I was from NCC, and I make no effort to hide it. Why should I? It taught me so much. Discipline, to be agreeable (so my EQ and sensitivity spiked), to be presentable and carry myself properly, and I got to do things that girls would seldom be allowed to do - join in in army activities. How many girls can say that they've worn any army uniform, or eaten army fruit bars and rations before?

I have Facebook, and I use it as a tool for socializing, something I enjoy very much.



I'm vastly different from you; you are the exact opposite of everything I have listed above. But yet, I respect you for so much. And I wonder if you feel the same of me.

what can i do to make you feel this?

disinterest envelopes
heart to stomach, bucket to well
and you can see it in the windows

Away to China till 24th!

QoQ is finally over; despite the tension, fatigue and eye make-up (which I hate), I'm really glad to have taken part - for the experience, friends and not to mention the many goodies including the lifetime supply of pads. :p I think I'm the only one who appreciates all the pads though...

Hives outbreak last night, I think I slept about 3 hours?

Blog again when I'm not so tired.

because your silence speaks volumes in itself



tmr is D-day :D

I HAVE GOT TO FREAKING SNAP OUT OF THIS.

Am I right side up or upside down?

A few days ago I was studying on the Hari Raya holiday and was feeling quite sad about it. One friend graciously informed me that "During exam period, public holidays no longer exist." And indeed! It's just another day of brain-frying o.o

Many things on my mind recently, no mood to post them here. Ask me if you bother.

It gets so tiring sometimes, keeping up with everybody, especially if it is a one-sided effort.



Introverts really have it good.

what in the world was i thinking?

I seem to have so little self-control lately.